That's NOT My Name!

How you doing today? How has life been treating you? I hope life has been treating you well, and that you are able to enjoy those good moments. It’s okay to be able to enjoy life and bask in the things that bring you joy. Try to take it all in, because we don’t always get to have happy moments in life, so when they come enjoy them to the fullest. If life hasn’t been treating you well, I’m sorry, life be lifin’ sometimes. But stay the course, keep your head up, and remember this stage is temporary. Even if life is hitting you with blow after blow, you have to remember that at some point the difficulty will cease. Seasons HAVE to change!

Let’s get into today’s topic. I’m hoping you can take a pretty good guess as to what we are talking about today from the title and the image that I used. If you haven’t guessed, today I want to talk about the identity loss and shift we have as mothers. This is something that is rarely talked about, and when it is talked about, sometimes we experience being dismissed by others who may not be in the trenches of motherhood or who’ve gotten to the other side of motherhood forgetting the difficulty that certain stages of motherhood can bring. But I’m here today to be a voice of validation and a reminder that the identity shift and loss of motherhood is hard to swallow at times. This is not to say that as a mom we don’t want that title of “mommy,” but it is to say that “mommy” is NOT our name, nor is it the totality of our identity. It is to say that both feelings can exist at once, and that is okay, so let’s talk about it.

The other day, both my girls were calling my “name” over, and over again. The baby continuously said “Mommy, mommy,” until I responded to her need (which by the way wasn’t really a need). Simultaneously, my oldest chimed in every few seconds. . . “Mommy?” It was at that moment that I realized, my name is not Narissa to my kids, it is Mommy. And although they know my legal name, my girls call me Mommy (as they should). However, it got me to thinking that Mommy, Mom, or Mama has now become my name in other spaces as well. When we go somewhere and others are around, even other adults will say “Give that to your Mama,” or “Go sit by your mom” and even “Oh you get to hang out with mommy today huh?” Is there anything inherently wrong with this? No, because I am indeed a mom. But is that my name? No! Yes, I am a mom, but I am also Narissa.  So what’s my point?

Just because everyone else forgets your name, doesn’t mean you have to 😉Remember your identity and who you were before you had kids. That part of you is important, your name is important. You also have to remember who you are now that you have kids, separate from your kids, because that part of you is important as well. And it will become even more important when your kids get older and are not as dependent and reliant on you. It will be in those moments that you will have to go back to your original name, remembering that you will always be “mommy” to them, even while you step into your purpose and they begin to discover theirs.

The identity shift of motherhood is ever evolving. It’s bittersweet. It’s complicated. And during the identity shift it’s OKAY to long for a part of yourself that you may never get back, AND it is okay to embrace a part of yourself (being a “mommy”) that you wouldn’t trade for the world. It’s okay to have mixed feelings about the while thing, because again, both feelings can exist. Until the next time I decide to show up in your inbox, don’t forget your name, and make sure that you do something that will help you Bloom Into Your Best Self. . .