Black Maternal Health Week (Day 5): A Moment To Herself

Before the night is completely over, I wanted to send out this newsletter to close out Day 5 of Black Maternal Health Week. I want to take a short moment to talk about the importance of Black mothers taking time to ourselves separate from our children. Why is this more crucial for Black mothers in comparison to other women? I’m glad you asked.

Often times, Black women are viewed as “strong” or “the backbone” for our family and friends. Although we don’t necessarily want these titles, they are given to us along with the role that accompanies the title. We normally are not only taking care of our children, but we are taking care of others in various ways. Be it a listening ear for friends, helping to take care of a family member, being in a role at work that involves being a helper of some sort, we normally are caretakers.

Because of this, we are most likely around people a lot. Either talking on the phone, talking on zoom, or talking in person. Regardless of the platform, we are often around others a lot being the caretakers of many. This is the reason why Black mothers in particular need to take a moment to ourselves as a way to replenish our cup so that we are not pouring into our children from an empty and dry cup.

It’s important to give a Black mother some time alone, 20 minutes alone at the very least. This gives her time to eat a meal uninterrupted, take a nap uninterrupted, read a book uninterrupted, or do something else for herself uninterrupted. It’s also important to make this time alone something that can be predictable for the mom, something that she can look forward to and expect. This anticipation can be the motivation for her to get through the rest of her day, or the rest of her week, because she knows that something for her is coming up. And finally, it is important that this time is given to the Black mother more than occasionally. She should be given time to herself at minimum every 2 weeks, but once a week is ideal. And if we are being honest, she really needs the dedicated time to herself everyday, especially if it’s the minimum of 20 minutes.

So the next time you think of a way to provide some support to a Black mom, consider offering your time to watch the kids for a few minutes to a couple of hours. But keep in mind the age of the child, if they aren’t too young, this may not be helpful to the Black mom. Don’t forget that the baby and mommy bond is important and time away from her young baby may not feel supportive depending on the age of her child.

If you are a Black mom reading this, take a moment to plan some time to yourself. Ask a trusted loved one to watch your kids if you feel comfortable with that. And if you don’t have childcare or support, look at your daily and nightly schedule to see when your kids are sleeping (or occupied ONLY IF they are old enough to be unsupervised). Plug in some time to yourself during the moments when your kids are sleep or occupied. Until the next time I decide to show up in your inbox, make sure you do something that will make you Bloom Into Your Best Self. . .