Us Moms Are Overstimulated!!!

How you doing today? Are you hanging in there? How has life been treating you? If it isn’t feeling the greatest, you already know what I am going to say at this point, don’t worry this is only temporary even if it feels permanent. Situations and circumstances have no choice but to change, so keep the faith and trust that you will make it through. If you are doing great, high five! I’m so happy for you, because you deserve to be feeling good. Hold your head up in this moment so you can remember what it feels like. How am I? I’m glad you asked. . . I’m tired! And if I’m honest, I’m overwhelmed and overstimulated, thus the reason I couldn’t get the newsletter to you on Monday as I promised. I had to realize that I have a lot going on, and I just couldn’t bring myself to focus on proof reading and editing the newsletter. But I have a tiny bit of breathing space now, so here I am because you know that this newsletter holds a special place in my heart. It doesn’t matter what’s going on in my life, I’m going to do my best to get this newsletter out every month. So with that said, let me tell you a little story about a mom and her experience of being overstimulated. Sit back, get your latte, tea, water, or coffee, and get ready for a good read.

"Oh oh, look in the mirror! I will show you, oh oh oh. I just can't remember how much I loved yooouuuuuu!"

My oldest daughter was singing her heart out randomly as I was preparing to wash and style her hair. It came out of nowhere, it was sort of loud, and the lyrics made no sense. This went on for 6 minutes or so, I know because I timed it. If I’m blatantly honest, in that moment I just wanted her to be quiet, it was too much and I was very tired. Not just physically tired, but mentally tired as well. It was in that moment where I realized just how much was going on for me all at once, AND what had been going on prior.

This happened on a Wednesday, which I remember because I emailed this newsletter topic idea to myself while my daughter was singing. To put things in context, on Wednesdays I have a lot happening that I pack into one day. I typically have a lot of paperwork I need to do on Wednesdays, along with 1-2 meetings that take place, all which need to be wrapped up by 1pm. Wednesday’s are also minimum day for my daughter, so I HAVE to finish all I’m doing by 1pm so I can pick her up on time. This particular Wednesday, the plan was to get her hair washed and to start the styling process before the baby got home at around 5pm.

That’s a lot right? Yeah, I know. But the messed up part is that a lot of us moms do this crammed schedule thing, because unfortunately that’s how it is during some seasons of motherhood. What makes it more messed up is a lot of people don’t truly understand the many layers of things that happen throughout the day of a mother, and how these things end up piling up and contributing to our feelings of overstimulation. The amount of THINKING that a mother has to do to prepare for almost anything, is too much at times. And on this particular day, too much was an understatement. Now ride this wave of overstimulation with me, I promise it will settle and be worth the read.

PRIOR to getting my daughter I thought about the following:

• What will she eat for lunch? What will I eat?

• How much homework should I have her do before I start her hair?

• What hair style should I do this time?

AFTER getting my daughter home my thoughts were as follows:

• Will I do a quick hair wash? Or should I do one that is a bit longer? But she really needs her hair to be deeply conditioned because it’s been a while since it’s been washed.

• I have to prep the hair washing space, do I have everything?

  • Towel, shampoo, conditioner, and comb.

• Don’t forget to prep the hair styling space, once again. . . Do I have everything?

  • Towel, hair crème, hair grease, hair oil, wide tooth comb, fine tooth comb, hair clips.

• What TV show will I let her watch today? Educational or cartoon? Is there something else I can have her do besides TV? No, she moves her head around too much and I just need to get this done before the baby gets home.

Can you imagine these thoughts going through your head while a 6 year old sings: "Oh oh, look in the mirror! I will show you, oh oh oh. I just can't remember how much I loved yooouuuuuu!" If you’re a mom, of course you can. If you aren’t a mom, this is a glimpse into what we go through on a DAILY. But guess what. There is hope and a way to manage the overstimulation if we are intentional. 

#1 – Be honest with your kid(s):

Be honest with your kids and let them know that you are in need of some quiet. It’s okay to model for them your need to take care of yourself and your nervous system. That day (and many days) I was honest with Faith and I told her that I needed some quiet. Sometimes I leave it at that, but sometimes I openly tell her why I need quiet. The other day, the girls were just fussing back and forth, coming to me and telling me what the other did, and then going off to singing and asking me a 1,001 questions. I told them that Mommy had a long day and needs quiet. I went on to say that I was tired and really couldn’t handle all the noise and arguing. They listened and toned it down. Does this always work? Absolutely NOT! But does it feel good to express out loud what I am feeling instead of trying to be this perfect mom? Yes, EVERY TIME!

#2 – Reset the tone:

Sometimes overstimulation is unavoidable. There will be times that you will have a baby crying, a toddler asking a question, the phone dinging, and the doorbell ringing all at the same time. That’s just the nature of life, and we have to just roll with it. But we DO have the power to reset the tone. By this I don’t mean magically getting everything under control and having peace and quiet again. Rather, I mean resetting the tone, and shifting from the TYPE of stimulation, to HOW you are stimulated. When my girls are being loud, my phone is buzzing with messages, and I still need to send an email all while I make sure the food in the kitchen doesn’t burn up. . . I reset the tone, and I put on “calm music.” I’ve called it calm music so much, that the girls have learned to shift their energy when I turn it on. What is calm music? A YouTube video with scenery and instrumental music (I included an example in a link for you below). The scene gives me something to focus on, and the music calms my nervous system down. You want to know a secret? It also gives the girls something to focus on too, and in a way I am wiring them (over time) to learn how to shift their energy in the moment.

#3 – Surrender to it all:

When all else fails, sometimes you have to just give in to the process and surrender. You may need to join in the song with your kid, play the noisy game with them, or jump up and down and dance. Whatever they are doing that overstimulates you, may surprisingly end up regulating you. Sometimes my baby will ask me to help her do something, over, and over, and OVER again until I stop what I’m doing to help her. It can be tying a scarf on her head or around her waist. Taking the barbies clothes off and helping her put on a different outfit. Or it can be as simply as opening the top to a pen so she can draw. Whatever it is, when I just STOP what I’m trying to accomplish, and join in with her (or my oldest or both of them), I ironically end up regulated. When I take a moment to stop, does the thing I was trying to finish get completed that day? Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn’t. But what does get completed is another memory I was able to make with my babies, so because of that, sometimes I decide to just surrender it all. Until the next time I decide to show up in your inbox, I hope you do something that will help you Bloom Into Your Best Self. . .